I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
