R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
