I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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