I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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