Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
