The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
