You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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