I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
