oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
