I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
