i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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