Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
