Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize