I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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