im about as happy as oj after his trial
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
