If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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