Can i not drive my cunt home
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize