He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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