my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I showed him my bush... on skype.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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