I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
