smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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