Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He better not be in your backpack
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
