is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
