You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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