we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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