I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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