fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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