Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
