I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
