didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
