I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
