i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
