Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
