You work out of a Hotel?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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