it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
