My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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