Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
