I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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