i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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