A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
