you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
