I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
