fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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