is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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