i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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