Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize