Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
