My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
