I think I am morally bankrupt
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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