can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
