We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
