she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
