it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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