I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
