WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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