I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
