Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
