Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
