im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
