The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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