you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize