her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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