Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
