Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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