We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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