so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize