we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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