As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize