I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
