You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
