One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have tasted many bathrooms
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
