would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
