Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize