one might say we're banned from that church
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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