We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
