I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
